What are "British values"?
There has been a lot of guff spouted recently about so-called British values, so I thought it would be appropriate for me to wade in and muddy the waters a bit more myself. Every two-bit opinion peddlar has felt the need to churn out a few hundred words on the subject; it's terribly boring, and I'm certainly not going to miss out.
And this is all because David Cameron recently suggested that all children growing up in the United Kingdom should be thoroughly indoctrinated in certain characteristics exclusive to the British Isles. What they need is a set of national clichés to live by so that they don't ever have to think for themselves or develop an individual identity. Otherwise - who knows? - they might accidentally develop foreign traits like German efficiency, Mexican laziness or French onions.
The obvious question which arises is: Which crude reductive stereotypes should we be encouraging our collective offspring to confine their aspirations to? Since all this pathetic national navel gazing is Cameron's fault, it makes sense to start with his suggestions. According to DC, the four quintessentially and inalienably British values are: Freedom, respect for the rule of law, individual and social responsibility, and tolerance.
To test this hypothesis out, I decided to run his list past an imaginary Islamic extremist Trojan school governor. It took a while to imagine the beard, but once I'd shared the PM's proposal with him, he immediately threw his hooks up into the air and cried, "Praise be to Allah, what wonderful national values!"
I was shocked, and asked him to explain.
"Well, first of all," he said, "freedom is something I can really get behind. Freedom from the perverted cultural imprerialism of the Jewish Yankee Great Satan of the West. Then, respect for the rule of law, well, that's obvious. Shariah law, of course. And as for individual and social responsibility, this is very important. Any true follower of Mohammad must take his responsibilities very seriously, praying five times a day, fasting during Ramadan and making the hajj to Mecca at least once in his life. And you know that another one of the pillars of Islam is zakat, which is to give alms to the poor and needy. So social responsibility is written into Islam."
What about tolerance?
"In fact I think this country should be more tolerant. People stare at my wife because I make her wear the burkha, and I know that they laugh at my hook hands and glass eye. Why can you British not be more accepting of our difference? I am really very worried about Islamophobia."
And so there you have it. It turns out, DC inadvertently selected values which all British people can identify with, including those who pray for the annihilation of Israel, plot against the United States and infiltrate our school system. I think the real genius is in the utter emptiness of his words.
And this is all because David Cameron recently suggested that all children growing up in the United Kingdom should be thoroughly indoctrinated in certain characteristics exclusive to the British Isles. What they need is a set of national clichés to live by so that they don't ever have to think for themselves or develop an individual identity. Otherwise - who knows? - they might accidentally develop foreign traits like German efficiency, Mexican laziness or French onions.
The obvious question which arises is: Which crude reductive stereotypes should we be encouraging our collective offspring to confine their aspirations to? Since all this pathetic national navel gazing is Cameron's fault, it makes sense to start with his suggestions. According to DC, the four quintessentially and inalienably British values are: Freedom, respect for the rule of law, individual and social responsibility, and tolerance.
To test this hypothesis out, I decided to run his list past an imaginary Islamic extremist Trojan school governor. It took a while to imagine the beard, but once I'd shared the PM's proposal with him, he immediately threw his hooks up into the air and cried, "Praise be to Allah, what wonderful national values!"
I was shocked, and asked him to explain.
"Well, first of all," he said, "freedom is something I can really get behind. Freedom from the perverted cultural imprerialism of the Jewish Yankee Great Satan of the West. Then, respect for the rule of law, well, that's obvious. Shariah law, of course. And as for individual and social responsibility, this is very important. Any true follower of Mohammad must take his responsibilities very seriously, praying five times a day, fasting during Ramadan and making the hajj to Mecca at least once in his life. And you know that another one of the pillars of Islam is zakat, which is to give alms to the poor and needy. So social responsibility is written into Islam."
What about tolerance?
"In fact I think this country should be more tolerant. People stare at my wife because I make her wear the burkha, and I know that they laugh at my hook hands and glass eye. Why can you British not be more accepting of our difference? I am really very worried about Islamophobia."
And so there you have it. It turns out, DC inadvertently selected values which all British people can identify with, including those who pray for the annihilation of Israel, plot against the United States and infiltrate our school system. I think the real genius is in the utter emptiness of his words.
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Photo: Drshabbir.khanCC BY-SA 3.0 |
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